Breaking Up With Social Media: How I Did It, and Why I Think You Should, Too

One of the things that I’ve struggled with for a long time is my relationship with social media and my phone. Over the past year and a half, I’ve slowly stepped away from platforms that felt easier to let go of. But despite that progress, I still found myself getting pulled into others (I think we all know which ones I'm talking about...)

No matter how many times I told myself to delete the apps entirely, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. And intellectually, I knew I should. As an author, it feels like I have to be on social media. That’s the expectation. Nearly every publisher I’ve queried has asked about my online presence: my account names, my follower counts. I’ve even heard of publishers requesting login credentials. While we can acknowledge that social media has had a massive impact on industries like publishing, music, acting, and modeling, the pressure to have an online presence just to get noticed can feel crushing and incredibly harmful for mental health. And as a licensed psychotherapist, mental health is something I take seriously.

A few weeks ago, I hit my breaking point. I was tired of how much time I was spending on these apps. I was tired of how much control they had over my focus, my memory, and my mood. I was especially tired of being bombarded by ads.

I didn’t need another gadget or some weird Amazon doodad I’d forget about in a week, I needed to remember what I had opened TikTok for! I had gone on to do research for a house project and five minutes later, I had completely forgotten why I’d opened the app to begin with. My brain had been hijacked by the algorithm, and it didn’t even bother to leave a note.

Then I attended a screening of the new documentary Can't Look Away: The Case Against Social Media, and I was gutted by what I learned. As an adult, I already had a sense of how social media affected my mental health. But for kids and teens, the impact is even more devastating.

At that point, I was beyond ready to break up with social media. I still felt stuck, though, because social media is also where I market my books (when I feel like it, because I don't think I've found anything I hate more than trying to sell something on the internet).

I had tried using app blockers (oh, the irony), but they were far too easy to disable. If you’re wondering whether you're really addicted to social media, just try telling yourself you don’t need it. Try deleting the app or resisting the urge to open it for something as simple as a quick search. You might be surprised how difficult it is. The truth is, many of these platforms are designed to be addictive. Just like a gripping book or song, they hook you and want you to keep coming back.

I had to accept that I wasn't ready to fully delete certain apps from my phone, largely due to my work as an author and honestly due to my anxiety over losing content I'd made over the span of 15 years, I also had to push myself to put up more barriers between my fingertips and those pesky icons. That’s when ScreenZen entered the chat.

ScreenZen is a free app that helps you build healthier boundaries with your phone by introducing a mindful pause before opening distracting apps like social media. What makes it unique is that it doesn’t block access entirely. Instead, it creates a short delay before the app can open, giving you a moment to decide if you really want to use it. The pause is customizable, and you can add mindfulness prompts, breathing exercises, or intention-setting questions. You can also set daily time limits, block access during certain hours, and track your usage. ScreenZen even offers a strict mode that makes it harder to override your own settings. Unlike most screen time tools, it is not overly restrictive. Instead, it is reflective and supportive of better habits.

While I’m not completely out of the woods, I’ve already noticed a significant improvement in my anxiety. The apps feel less magnetic, and there is less mental noise surrounding them. I’ve had more time to read, to write (yes, I am still working on book three), and to simply be present in my daily life.

It’s important to remember that social media existed before smartphones. In the early days, we accessed these platforms from our computers. But in 2011, things changed. With the rise of smartphones and algorithm-driven content, we became constantly connected and constantly distracted. The ability to disconnect nearly disappeared. And while our access to each other increased, so did something far more concerning.

Between 2011 and 2024, suicide rates in the United States increased significantly. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, suicide is now the second leading cause of death among people aged 10 to 14, and the third leading cause of death among those aged 15 to 24. Every minute in the United States, someone dies by suicide.

Social media is not the only factor in this crisis, but research points to a complex relationship between social media use, especially on smartphones, and mental health concerns. This includes suicidal thoughts and behaviors, particularly among youth (NIH, Smartphones, social media use and youth mental health).

This post is not meant to shame anyone for using social media, it is meant to offer an honest reflection on a very real problem. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or just tired of how much space social media takes up in your life, you are not alone. There are tools like ScreenZen that can help you take back your time and your attention. There is no shame in needing a break, or in needing help.

If you or someone you know is struggling, support is available. Call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, for free and confidential help, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Your mind matters. Your peace matters. You do not have to be available to the world all the time. The world can wait.